A day in the life

It was Monday afternoon. I was sitting in the back corner of my Pharmacology lecture, my computer open, powerpoint pulled up, doing my best to focus. Truth is, I wasn’t doing a very good job at it.  I don’t have a clue what the lecture was over… something about poop, I think? Anyway, my brain was fried, I had a bazillion things on my “to do” list (or should I say, “soon due” list) and my professor seemed to be speaking another language. An hour in to the 3 hour lecture, I was getting fidgety. I am a very touchy-feely person. I need something my hands can mindlessly play with while my brain focuses. Today, there was a zit on my face. The hands accidentally picked the zit. The zit started to bleed. Uncontrollably. In the middle of lecture. Oh no.

I did what any good nursing student would do, APPLY PRESSURE. But it wasn’t subsiding. It was getting little ridiculous and I was getting a little panicked. I needed backup. I quickly and quietly snuck out of lecture and darted for the bathroom.  

I got to the bathroom and quickly got a paper towel and pressed it on my forehead. There was so much blood you would have thought I had gotten a major forehead surgery. I thought, “Oh my goodness why is this happening!” I turned and there was a girl curled up on the floor next to the bathroom sink. I thought, “Oh she’s probably why.”  As soon as I saw her, I knew that my uncontrollably bleeding zit was leading me to a divine appointment. (That’s a sentence I bet you’d never thought you’d read). I looked at the girl and just asked,

“Hey, are you okay?”

She said “no, not really.”

She put her face back down, hidden in her knees. Before this semester, I would have taken that as, “she doesn’t want to talk about it. I’ll give her some space.” The biggest thing I’ve learned this semester in nursing school is how to gently, but confidently, walk straight into someone’s personal space bubble to help them. So I continued,

“What’s wrong?”

She lifted her head back up, paused, hesitant to answer, then said, “I feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack.”

What I said to that is a blur, I think I mentioned something about me being a nursing student and how we do 4x4 breathing when anxiety gets high. I know I did say, “Well I have a zit on my face that won’t stop bleeding so I can sit with you and help you breathe.” That got a bit of a chuckle from her.

There I was, sitting on the bathroom floor, with a paper towel pressed tightly to my forehead, next to a perfect stranger.

“Here, Breathe with me. Breathe in, 1, 2, 3, 4, hold it, 1, 2, 3, 4, breathe out, 1, 2, 3, 4, rest, 1, 2, 3, 4.”

We breathed a couple of times together. There was some small talk, we introduced ourselves. She asked why I wanted to be a nurse. I asked her what was her major. Then she said,

“I feel like I am going to start hyperventilating”

“Okay, let’s just keep breathing slowly together”

We continued breathing, random women were coming in and out of the bathroom. My zit had been bleeding for what seemed like eternity and showed no sign of letting up. Was it a little awkward? Yes.

In my head I asked the Lord, “Do you want me to pray for her?”

In my head I felt like the response was, “Duh, I want you to pray for her.”

Did the Lord really just, “Duh” me? Probably. The situation was painfully obvious. Anytime you find yourself asking the Lord if you should pray for someone, I would say, just be ready to pray.

I stood up to switch out my paper towel and gently asked, “Would it be okay if I prayed for you?”

There was that hesitancy again, then to my amazement, she said, “Yeah, you can.”

I sat back down next to her. “I guess I should ask if you believe in it.”

“Do I believe in God? No. Well I believe that he exists and that he does good things for other people, but he doesn’t do good things for me”

I paused, uncertain of what to say. I didn’t have any wise words of wisdom to offer her. I did, however, offer her what I knew 100% to be true. I looked her straight in the eyes, and said “{the girl’s name}, God really loves you.”

She half smiled and I could see it in her eyes. She believed it.

I turned and closed my eyes, and prayed a quick prayer out loud for the girl. When I finished, the girl didn’t say anything. She was smiling and kept doing that same little chuckle she did when I told her my zit wouldn’t stop bleeding.

Then she said, “I feel better. Thank you so much”
We just both looked at each other, both smiling- because the Holy Spirit just worked.

There was some more words exchanged, my zit finally stopped bleeding, and we both concluded we should go back to class.

I had my hand on the door to leave when she stopped me she said, “Thank you, Hannah. Like really”

A big reason why I share this is because I am sitting here trying to process what had happened. At first I thought, Wow what an incredible Jesus moment to happen on a Monday afternoon. Shortly after, however, my mind started processing the conversation. What should I have said that would have been better? What if I hadn’t left so soon? Why did I not get her phone number? Before I knew it, I had convinced myself that I completely botched this opportunity God led me too. What if I had actually sat down and done my devos this morning instead of praying while I was half asleep then rushing off to a study group? Maybe God would have prepared me better for this moment. Though these where my truthful thoughts, they were not based on God’s truth.

When I gave my life to God, I surrendered every part of my life to him. I did not surrender my life because I felt obligated to Him or because He is a super controlling God. I surrendered it to Him because I truly love Him from the bottom of my heart and we do things together. He lets me in on His business of showing His grace and truth to his children who have not yet heard it and I joyfully like to take him up on the offer. I can imagine God seeing that girl struggling that day and looking around for someone to pray for her and to tell her that God really loves her. That God would see me and send me literally brings tears to my eyes as I write this. I can see God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit conversing about how to get me out of my class. I don’t know which one came up with the idea to have my zit bleed, but it definitely worked!

The second point that I need to process as I type this is the fact that I didn’t have my insta-worthy devos that day. I literally pushed the snooze button and said “Good morning, Lord” and fell back asleep. That is what makes this story so beautiful to me. It’s the fact that I did not earn my way to being used by God. I didn’t have the cute Christian girl outfit on, I had no makeup on, my hair tossed up in a frizzy pony tail, and of course, don’t forget the massive bleeding zit on my forehead. (Sounds like Monday for sure). Despite my flaws, the Lord’s grace lead me to that girl. I guarantee you that the Lord did not think about any of that when he was looking for someone to send to one of his struggling children. He looked for a loving and un-condemning heart to simply pray for her and the Lord saw my heart and sent me. I am honored.

For this girl I prayed and continue to pray. I am convinced that the greatest impact that I will ever have for the kingdom of God will not be through my actions, but through my prayers.

I praise the Lord who seeks out His children to know them personally and works to develop a unique relationship with each and every one of us.